Full Edition, fresh off the editors laptop :As ridiculous as it seems, our great leader has issued a fatwa that decrees that all citizens of Sayedland are to follow the strict guidelines regarding clothing. This morning, the official spokesperson for the dictator has notified the nation of the "IMMEDIATE CHANGES" that the nation shall undergo over the next 24 hours.
As issued by his greatness's office, the fatwa demands that all genders of Sayedland : male, female, shemale, big butts, PCs, and cats shall be required to wear skinny jeans at all times.
While the reasons have not been clearified, it has been suggested by numerous groups, namely the AARF, the Human Rights International, the United Nations and the all nations/people/discarded computer games whom dislike the dictator that this is nothing more, then a ploy in the leader's War on Terror (namely involving the waist, and below.)
AARF Commander, Mr Biggles argued that there has been scientific evidence that skinny jeans indeed blocked circulation towards the lower body, thus rendering ny external human organs into a mush. This theory coincides with the appearantly loss of the Sayedland Royal Crown Jewels.
While the affects of this fatwa isnt sure yet. One this is for certain. Skinny Jean prices will go up. Economists predict that the massive increase in demand will drive the skinny jeans production into overdrive, overlabouring the emo people who make and wear them, thus ridding the world of them for once and for all.
Nevertheless, the fatwa is most likely to remain for a long time. Our Great Leader has been heard saying that:
"I cannot bend down!"
This most certainly means that his habit of auto-fellatio has finally came to an end. A great relief to all.
-The Sayed Times-
2 comments:
Admit it yo,
this is priceless.
I hope. :)
Down with all shingel wingels!! Sayedism shall impose tight clothing!! and very uncomfartable underware to further ensure that the plan goes well!!
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