Semester 2 Orientation

***Please take note that this material covers the entire orientation for semester 2. So it WILL be long as Hell!!! Pay attention to "STOP AND TAKE A BREAK" SIGNS!!!***


Hmmm, the previous post was too disturbing for my taste. Therefore I quickly found a few excuses to bump it with this brand spankin' new topic!

YES! P. Narcissist is back! And he bears gifts!!!!

Sayedism Take-102: Recommended International-students' Programme
Pre-semester Online Learning Experience
(STRIP-POLE for short, or you can just call it Sayedism 102. I honestly don't care :P )

All worthy of the blessed Sayedian touch will know that Sayedism knows no end.

It is the boundless ocean;
it is the infinitesimal sky;
it is the leg of a cockroach that still squirms after you stomp it.

It just won't die (no matter how badly you want it to).
And it has returned to ruin our untainted lives even before semester 2 has begun!


Let's just cut to the chase:
Learning objectives:

• The many wondrous ways of the loyalist Japanese.
• The Sunday Sayedism Herald
• Three ways of becoming a better sayedist!
  

Lesson 1: The Great Pickle-ing

Many a times I find myself watching the plight of our Japanese brother!
Our confusing leader with his contradictory nature has plunged us into chaotic unrest. The Japanese are NOT our enemy! Lo and behold! Some of their traditions are indeed the epitome of Sayedian Perfection!

Their example is truly an image to strive towards!!!

The following extract was from a wary newcomer to Sayedism. Verily our ranks grow strong in Japan, even though the Australian PM is ignorant of it!!!!

I was on my way back from the local deli, triumphant that I managed to beat the morning queue and yanked the last pickle jar from the store shelf. Pathetically, I clutched it as if I was the first person ever to buy a PS2.

Shortly after, I found myself pushed into a jolting throng of people! Puzzled, I shoved and beat my way through the bobbing crowd with my nokia phone (nokia speakers are crap, but they do make excellent batons!).

I found a shrine-like object approach. Being a foreign-raised Japanese Trinity student, I was quite perplexed, and whipped out my amazing 1 megapix nokia to capture the moment!



As I watched, my jaw dropped. I turned to another onlooker, who was grinning stupidly, and managed to breathe the letters

"W-
T-
F?!!!"

He laughed, like an all-knowing jackass who knew more than poor little me, and as he mocked my dilemma his putrid acne bobbled about (P. Narcissist jumps into the flashback: "Gee guys, doesn't he sound familiar?" *wink wink*).

Then, calmly, he rested his hand on my shoulder and explained: "Calm down, for you are young, naive, and still badong-dongeddy-dong-donged. 'Tis the way of our great Fuhrer!

See how we emulate the teachings of Sayedism? We happened upon a traveling person whose car broke down, and being the good Samaritans we are, we assessed the problem and solved it!

We noted that his car breaking down was not the problem! Oh no!!! It was his GINORMOUS SHLONG!!!! So happily, we chopped it off!!!

Now we do to it what we do to everyone's dingly wingly!!!"

I stared, fearing the worst.
And I had every right to be afraid.

His next words would haunt me for the rest of my life: "We sell them as pickle!!! This one will be a fine catch! The local deli won't go out of stock in a hurry!"

I dropped my jar of pickles. No longer were they some great prize to me. My world had fallen apart...

If you've reached this far, let me congratulate you. You are now a third of the way to becoming scarred for life a true Sayedian!


Tutorial will now go for recess. Take a 5-10 year minute break as I prepare the second part of the tutorial.





*10 minutes later*

Lesson 2: The Sayedism Herald
A clipping from The Sayedism Herald (wow when did we all get our very own newspaper???!!!) shows the greatest achievement on the War on Ignorant Badang Dong-lovers:
The assassination of the Chindian Gandhi.

For many years now, the Chindian Gandhi has been a thorn in the Sayedian ass (Sayedism preaches that we must use the word 'ass' as much as possible!). But no longer!

Rejoice, great Shlongless denizens of the Kingdom of Sayeda, for he hath been slain!



Sayedism war archives


One less pest on our path to glorious salvation! Onwards! WE MARCH!!!



Lesson 3: How do I better myself in the eyes of Sayedism?!

That is the most-loved question in the eyes of Sayedism! Observe the following three pictorial disciplines of Sayedism with absolute devotion!

1. Sayedism favors all things tank-ifyed! Earn extra credits this semester by swapping your ol' good years for some proper treads!
   
   
2. Shlong-removal. No mandated method of removal! Anything goes!!!
   
   
3. Do not attempt to disavow sayedism! We have BIG choppers!
   
   

That concludes next semester's orientation (Thank God! I had as much trouble writing this as you probably do reading it!!!!). Until next time:
Be wise
Be safe
Be aware
...Be shlongless!