Sayedikipedia

Tis an extraordinary day!
For it is today (and hopefully never again) that kingtiger and I are in agreement.
Ean has upped the standards for sexual innuendo! And perhaps he's overdone it.

... I should be slapped for that understatement.


Time to bump that topic with a new post! Dastardley Productions proudly presents!



The Sayedikipedia!

Wary wanderers and unsuspecting browsers, beware!
This page has terminology of sorts!
And to prevent confusion (and perhaps satisfy the stupid quota), we introduce this handy online encyclopedia of the lifestyles and definitions of Sayedism 102!

5 stooges (n., collective term)
Definition:
Royal mascots of the Imperium of Sayedism


Boneheads (n., plural)
Definition:
Heretics

Sayedian synoynyms:
Eggheads,
bananabrains.



Boobs (n., plural):
Definition (From: the uncyclopedia of Narcissism):
Things you love to grope.


Sayedian synonyms:

Milk Production facilities

Weapons of mass destruction

Cascading balloons from Hell

Shaken, not stirred

Mouse boobs (n., plural)
Definition:
Overpriced, yet unbelievably comfortable computer mouse (like the Logitech G9 with the jiggly mousepad boob padding).



Desexualize (verb)
Official definition:
Direct sexual urges into constructive behaviour.

Sayedian definition:
Take a meatcleaver and chop off business. Or use a machete. Both work well.
Please do not try this at home.



Fat ninjas (n., plural)
People who work in mysterious ways and bring food and destruction wherever they go.



Heaven (n.)
Definition:
JB HiFi
MetroPC
EB Games

Sayedian synonyms:
P0rn Store



Hiel heel (proclamatory)
Long live



Light of Sayedism (n., singular)
Definition:
(Blunt, rusty) Scissors used in ritualistic shlong removal/business extermination. (See 'nuts', synonyms).



Love (n., often followed by a feeling of Sayedian disgust)
Official definition: First base before sex.

Sayedian definition:
Nemesis to Sayedism.
A pain in the ass.

Quote: “If love is labour, then Sayedists work only part-time with minimum wage”.

Loyal followers of Sayedism (n., plural, derogatory)
Mother Chinas (See below, note 1),
Fat Chindians,
Sumo Japanese Wrestlers (See below, note 2),
Born by parts,
Indofrenches.

Note 1:
Mother Chinas
Definition:
Chinese medical students who are gifted with the processing power of Intel QuadCore Xtreme.

Synonyms:
Chinese Quad Core,
Pair of chopsticks.

Note 2:
Japanese afro-haired sumo wrestler (n., derogatory, slang):
Definition:
Japanese who possessed (at some time in the past or even presently) afros, and dream of 'Gardens'.

Moose (n., singular)
Definition:
A very large cow with big horns that goes 'moo'.



Nuts (n., singular)
Definition (from: the uncyclopedia of Ean):
Something that goes hard, and has a head.

Small: http://www.pillsreview.com/wp-content/themes/pillsreview/images/the-penis-1.jpg
Erect: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/db/Penis_Anatomy.gif

Official synonyms:
Balls

Sayedian synonyms:
Dangel Wangel Shingel Mingel

Dingly Wingly

Big Cahunas

Business

Badang Dong

Sack of Wonders

Keeper of the Eggs

Future Pickles

Old people’s Viagra-to-be

Shwingel Dingels

Pampers with wings (n., singular)

****CENSORED****

Even this is too damn near ridiculous to define due to Sayedism’s poor understanding of the menstrual cycle.

Pope-mobile (n., only one in existence at any given time)
Definition:
KingTiger tank. With a personal stereo/retro boombox.

Sex (n.)

Sayedian definition:
Highest crime in sayedism, punishable by shlong removal by chainsaw. An ‘icky wicky’ process, full of diseases and sticky white stuff.

Official definition:
What loser would want to look up sex on the internet?

Tanks (n., plural)
The transport of the future. For sayedists only. Peasants walk. A viable traffic solution!

The masses shall be saved (Expression, often misleading)
Definition:
Humans shall be desexualized (See 'desexualize' above).

Tooty fruities (n., plural)
Official definition:
Effeminate males

Sayedian definition:
Very sexual people



We be jammin' (expression, often annoying)
Definition:
Same as 'ya mon', except stolen from Jamaican Warcraft III trolls.



Wives (n., plural, biohazardous)
Definition:
PCs, source of all eternal happiness.

OR

(biological, human, female) Yapping money-consuming (Google ‘Gold Digger’) machines of horror.

Definition (from: the uncyclopedia of Ean):
Wonderful things with luscious lips, exquisite curves and cute laughs. Caution: May afflict Sayedists with random bouts of exotic erotic fantasies.



Ya mon (Expression, still annoying)
Definition:
A ridiculous exclamation from wanna-be reggae fools with reflective sunglasses and imaginary dreadlocks, used whenever possible for whatever reason, even when in disagreement.

More definitions to come soon! (Oh, Gawd NO!)
Sayedism commandments to follow! (Double 'oh, Gawd NO!')
Now that you've reached the end, you might be wondering what the front cover might look like in paperback.

Well, what better cover than something to illustrate why badang-dong removal is so important?

In YOUR FACE!!!

[Edit] Is this enough cleavage, m' Lord?

Well, since everyone's (well, just Sayed's) reaction to my wonderful assistant Goth Girl With Huge Knockers and Fantastic Cleavage can be described with the picture above, I have removed it....




Only to do this!


'DO WANT' Sayed? If this does not please you nothing will!

Semester 2 Orientation

***Please take note that this material covers the entire orientation for semester 2. So it WILL be long as Hell!!! Pay attention to "STOP AND TAKE A BREAK" SIGNS!!!***


Hmmm, the previous post was too disturbing for my taste. Therefore I quickly found a few excuses to bump it with this brand spankin' new topic!

YES! P. Narcissist is back! And he bears gifts!!!!

Sayedism Take-102: Recommended International-students' Programme
Pre-semester Online Learning Experience
(STRIP-POLE for short, or you can just call it Sayedism 102. I honestly don't care :P )

All worthy of the blessed Sayedian touch will know that Sayedism knows no end.

It is the boundless ocean;
it is the infinitesimal sky;
it is the leg of a cockroach that still squirms after you stomp it.

It just won't die (no matter how badly you want it to).
And it has returned to ruin our untainted lives even before semester 2 has begun!


Let's just cut to the chase:
Learning objectives:

• The many wondrous ways of the loyalist Japanese.
• The Sunday Sayedism Herald
• Three ways of becoming a better sayedist!
  

Lesson 1: The Great Pickle-ing

Many a times I find myself watching the plight of our Japanese brother!
Our confusing leader with his contradictory nature has plunged us into chaotic unrest. The Japanese are NOT our enemy! Lo and behold! Some of their traditions are indeed the epitome of Sayedian Perfection!

Their example is truly an image to strive towards!!!

The following extract was from a wary newcomer to Sayedism. Verily our ranks grow strong in Japan, even though the Australian PM is ignorant of it!!!!

I was on my way back from the local deli, triumphant that I managed to beat the morning queue and yanked the last pickle jar from the store shelf. Pathetically, I clutched it as if I was the first person ever to buy a PS2.

Shortly after, I found myself pushed into a jolting throng of people! Puzzled, I shoved and beat my way through the bobbing crowd with my nokia phone (nokia speakers are crap, but they do make excellent batons!).

I found a shrine-like object approach. Being a foreign-raised Japanese Trinity student, I was quite perplexed, and whipped out my amazing 1 megapix nokia to capture the moment!



As I watched, my jaw dropped. I turned to another onlooker, who was grinning stupidly, and managed to breathe the letters

"W-
T-
F?!!!"

He laughed, like an all-knowing jackass who knew more than poor little me, and as he mocked my dilemma his putrid acne bobbled about (P. Narcissist jumps into the flashback: "Gee guys, doesn't he sound familiar?" *wink wink*).

Then, calmly, he rested his hand on my shoulder and explained: "Calm down, for you are young, naive, and still badong-dongeddy-dong-donged. 'Tis the way of our great Fuhrer!

See how we emulate the teachings of Sayedism? We happened upon a traveling person whose car broke down, and being the good Samaritans we are, we assessed the problem and solved it!

We noted that his car breaking down was not the problem! Oh no!!! It was his GINORMOUS SHLONG!!!! So happily, we chopped it off!!!

Now we do to it what we do to everyone's dingly wingly!!!"

I stared, fearing the worst.
And I had every right to be afraid.

His next words would haunt me for the rest of my life: "We sell them as pickle!!! This one will be a fine catch! The local deli won't go out of stock in a hurry!"

I dropped my jar of pickles. No longer were they some great prize to me. My world had fallen apart...

If you've reached this far, let me congratulate you. You are now a third of the way to becoming scarred for life a true Sayedian!


Tutorial will now go for recess. Take a 5-10 year minute break as I prepare the second part of the tutorial.





*10 minutes later*

Lesson 2: The Sayedism Herald
A clipping from The Sayedism Herald (wow when did we all get our very own newspaper???!!!) shows the greatest achievement on the War on Ignorant Badang Dong-lovers:
The assassination of the Chindian Gandhi.

For many years now, the Chindian Gandhi has been a thorn in the Sayedian ass (Sayedism preaches that we must use the word 'ass' as much as possible!). But no longer!

Rejoice, great Shlongless denizens of the Kingdom of Sayeda, for he hath been slain!



Sayedism war archives


One less pest on our path to glorious salvation! Onwards! WE MARCH!!!



Lesson 3: How do I better myself in the eyes of Sayedism?!

That is the most-loved question in the eyes of Sayedism! Observe the following three pictorial disciplines of Sayedism with absolute devotion!

1. Sayedism favors all things tank-ifyed! Earn extra credits this semester by swapping your ol' good years for some proper treads!
   
   
2. Shlong-removal. No mandated method of removal! Anything goes!!!
   
   
3. Do not attempt to disavow sayedism! We have BIG choppers!
   
   

That concludes next semester's orientation (Thank God! I had as much trouble writing this as you probably do reading it!!!!). Until next time:
Be wise
Be safe
Be aware
...Be shlongless!

Ve Heil and Ve Heel

First lets all have a moment of meditation in this fine tank, Ooooooooooooo


Now, PAY ATTENTION.... HEIL HEEL ME

Fascists, Soviets, indofrenchs, born by parts, Mother chinas, FAT Chindians, Sumo Japaneso wrestlers and loyal Country men !!!!! Lend me your cheese....and ears.

As you can see my rights have been restored and the order of Dairy products shall rise again.

So let me enlighten you again with more of my wisdom. HUMANITY...... has too much business !!! That business poses a great threat to my new world order. That is why I have decided to gather my Gangstas and go on a jrusade(sayedism jihad xD).



As your trusted leader and protecter of cheese, I urge you all to join this effort to remove the totalitarian regime of Shwingel Dingels and tooty fruities.

Sayedism WANTS YOU... to wear your burqaa and join my army.

This army shall have the ability to achieve my vision...my dream of a better future for all mankind...a world where cheese and milk is available to all, where no bathrooms are needed. When people admire my handsomeness (Dont you dare laugh >.>) and wisdom (I repeat no laughing...especially you chindian 0_o ).

I have suffered for you all, I have been crusaded and jihaded in Medieval total war 2...all for Sayedism... so as a payback to me you all must go out and preach my words to the public.

On a lighter note, I have found an example that shows how future humans should be (The following image show it but I ONLY mean in the BUSINESS AREA) ...So dont go freakin out thinking that I as your beloved emperor and ruler will turn you all into mindless zombies with a steel plated heads and no ass...You all may keep those regions...EXCEPT for Ean...His peom still gives me nightmares.

BY THE WAY, that action will not go unpunished...
all Godzilla, Sushi and sumo salad outlets will be boycotted. Just you wait xD No more oil for you.

Now, where was I 0_o ? AHHH YES my future image of humanity


Look at the flatness, the Alien combine race in half Life 2 is a genius one...I shall follow in their footsteps.



And at the end my Noble allies..I mean Big ASS boneheads, I will leave you with these words of handsomeness-->
*Remember that with ass Comes great responsibility towards Sayedism. (I still havent figured out what that responsibility is BUT it may involve sitting on my enemies).

* Do Not falter in the face of evil badong dongs...Fight it with all your strengths soldiers, fight for all your worse...FOR Sayedism, FOR THE EMPEROR.........and milk

All Hail Sayeda

Lies and despair in our Sayedland!
And death to every penis!
Our soldiers shall not pause to rest
We vow our loyalty

Old traditions they will abide
Arise young playboys!
Our past inspires noble conquests
All Hail Sayeda!

Immortal beacon shows the way
Step forth, seek sex!
Hoist your schlongs high into the clouds
Hail Sayeda!

Our Stupid Sayeda stands astride this world
He’ll vanquish every penis!
His lies and acne shine so bright
All hail his stupidity!

Never will he be overthrown
Like mountains and sea
His bloodline mortal and impure
All Hail Sayeda!

So let his pimples guide our way
Go forth and seek sex
Hoist your schlongs high into the clouds
Hail Sayeda!