Hello friends! My, aren't we all the happy-go-lucky bloggers?
Just when you thought you could turn to this blog to run away from the many assignments and other horrors that our UniMelb kind are entitled to, I come along and shatter your pathetic, menial existence by shedding new light on our much over-rated mascot: The Agent Smith.
Really, can anyone name any useful thing he's done since trying (and failing) to conquer the matrix?
Zip?
Nada?
Of course you can't. The glory years of the smith are over.
Now he fills up his days chasing after little pink ice cream trucks because they sell flavahs other than his favorite Neo-liscious-choc-choc-cookie-surprise.
Sad, really.
Can anyone say, "Has-been"?
And what of Sayedism's attempt to upgrade its shoddy Agent army to the "New and Improved" 2.0 versions?
Those Sayedism scientists wouldn't know the difference between improved and degraded even if Zumdahl himself came upto them and smacked 'em good with his hardcover textbook.
Look even now as they revert back to their original form:
Sayedism's future in the global engineering market?
Dim, no light in there at all.
So dark in fact, that it sucks the light out of anything it touches.
Black Hole.
Waste of Space.
Fail!
And what of our tourism?
Would you honestly want to go to a country where Agents like this:
Freak you out just by their smile?
I say no.
Especially since their hobbies are touching you and sucking you into the ways of their Agent Smithiness.
Keep your mits off me, you creepy bastard.
And yet we continue to pump large sums of our savings into making this ineffective defense force. Their latest offensive (As ordered by the Great Sayedian Motherland), was an all-out offensive on GIORGIO ARMANI.
They swept into the storefronts of Melbourne, Paris and even the US. Disguised as tux mannequins, they lay ready, waiting to heed the call to arms!
Unfortunately, the attack = fail (much like everything else of Sayedian calibre).
Our intrepid agents found themselves stuck inside the glass boxes.
On the bright side, they look absolutely dashing.
Plus, I can look on, smile and take a photo without the nagging fear of one of them reaching out and tearing my eyeballs from their sockets.
As ridiculous as it seems, our great leader has issued a fatwa that decrees that all citizens of Sayedland are to follow the strict guidelines regarding clothing. This morning, the official spokesperson for the dictator has notified the nation of the "IMMEDIATE CHANGES" that the nation shall undergo over the next 24 hours.
As issued by his greatness's office, the fatwa demands that all genders of Sayedland : male, female, shemale, big butts, PCs, and cats shall be required to wear skinny jeans at all times. While the reasons have not been clearified, it has been suggested by numerous groups, namely the AARF, the Human Rights International, the United Nations and the all nations/people/discarded computer games whom dislike the dictator that this is nothing more, then a ploy in the leader's War on Terror (namely involving the waist, and below.)
AARF Commander, Mr Biggles argued that there has been scientific evidence that skinny jeans indeed blocked circulation towards the lower body, thus rendering ny external human organs into a mush. This theory coincides with the appearantly loss of the Sayedland Royal Crown Jewels.
While the affects of this fatwa isnt sure yet. One this is for certain. Skinny Jean prices will go up. Economists predict that the massive increase in demand will drive the skinny jeans production into overdrive, overlabouring the emo people who make and wear them, thus ridding the world of them for once and for all.
Nevertheless, the fatwa is most likely to remain for a long time. Our Great Leader has been heard saying that:
"I cannot bend down!"
This most certainly means that his habit of auto-fellatio has finally came to an end. A great relief to all.
How you doin Citizens? I am good. And I know you didnt ask back but SHUT IT!
So let me tell you about my day....I was minding my own business in good old YMCA Playing pc games and day dreaming about destroying the human world. When I remembered that one of my minions advised me to buy a pair of jeans since I dont "Appeal"as he CLAIMS to the youth of this world with my fashionable nice black clothing.
So I stopped playing and decided to go out and buy them from the city.
I dont know why this happens everytime I get out of my apartment, but for some weird reason EVERY couple in Melbourne finds making out infront of me to be very interesting and amusing Even if I GLARE AT THEM!!!! Three freakin DOUCHEBAG couples decided to exchange saliva and do KISSY WISSY while I am waiting for the traffic light to go green.
This world is out to get me!! I am sure.
After that, when I arrived at my destination, I thought the nightmare has ended. However, it was just beginning. I was greeted by large scores of underware and shorts advertisements(with naked men and women in them) and my response was:
0_0 AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.
To deal with this calamity, I chose to remember the Smith and thought how he would respond to such a situation, too bad I didnt have heavy artillery at that moment.
And to make matters worse, the GENIUSES at Big W thought the perfect spot for business socks would be opposite bikini style men's underware ..
Humans BONEHEADS! I am trying to kill instinct here! That is why SPREADING Magazines and shops full of naked people around me IS NOT HELPING!
Anyway, your brave leader persevered and fought back over those damned things, I focused on teh task at hand...UNTIL an IDIOT approached me while pointing at a pack of men's underware and said "Excuse me sir, Is this underware small or medium size?"
Why??WHY! Do I look like customer support!!!!!! My formal clothing should have indicated that I am a business man not Big W staff...EVEN IN SAFEWAY THIS HAPPENS!!!!
P.S. I am NOT denying my indian heritage which I share with Iraj :p ARRR YAAAR VAT YOU TALKIN! TWO CHAPATIES WITH ONIONS PLEASE!! and HOLD the pickles xD
Hiel Heel Folks, Big daddy here Good day to all unsexual people...as for the rest, GO TO HELL! xP
Have you ever sat down and wondered "How will the agent smith forsaken world be if there was no Sayedism?".
Today I will show you a sample of that horrible mental image of this human infested world.
In that world, humans will never stop producing, they will keep on getting married and humanity will never end. And by that I mean there will be no new age for earth! The dinosaurs stopped for us, Must we be hit by a giant meteor to stop sexual stock exchange!
Who knows!! Maybe the new incoming race will be Intelligent cats or a new race of tank transformers! But REMEMBER!! We have to give chance for them! Dont people get tired of doing business...0_0 its too fluidy(if that word exists) and well...erm...jelly like!
We must stop making horrible beasts with two backs(Sometimes three for those weirdos with very liberated mind 0_0 ACK !! HORRIBLE).
Back to the topic at hand!! what would the world be!I will tell you. Degeneracy will consume all!
(1)Bowling shops will turn into heretical institutes (click the pictures for more detailed..ehm..presentation of what is written on those...shops ><) A man should be allowed to go to bowling even if his...um...businesses are not attached. VAT IS DIS? and we need to polish them too? THE HELL IS THAT! People, listen to me!we need scissors, everyone must have scissors.
(2)Shops will have brain damaging things written on them! How can decent people buy chainsaws (to chop peoples business off) from shops without being exposed to such heresy. I find it amazing that when I looked at these two shops last year in Trinity, they seemed innocent, the Hammer time was my favourate!
(3)UNRESPECTED walking milk machine carriers will roam the dark streets at night looking for dangling unchopped and unpickled shingel wingels.
(4)and then eventually, even in day light people will start to become naked!! 0_0 AAAAAAAHHHH HORRIBLE.
Politicians want you to do hanky panky with a hot mama or hot gaydaddy, because it gives them more boneheads to rule and more consumers for the industrial companies.
Citizens! Let us not leave things go down that horrid path! Say NO to the temptation of women and gay men! Scissors are the only way to salvation! Submit to me all your pickle jars!! hurry up to the closest scissors or meat cleaver! And do your civic duty towards Sayedism and Fatness first! Or ELSE
As Dr.Breen once said "Instinct is our enemy, let us not let it take us back to darker times"
EXCEPT eating of course!! we encourage you to eat! fatness first has a joint venture with me....cannot risk splinter cells right now >.>
Full Edition, fresh off the editors laptop :
0_0 AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.
P.S. I am NOT denying my indian heritage which I share with Iraj :p ARRR YAAAR VAT YOU TALKIN! TWO CHAPATIES WITH ONIONS PLEASE!! and HOLD the pickles xD
A man should be allowed to go to bowling even if his...um...businesses are not attached. VAT IS DIS? and we need to polish them too? THE HELL IS THAT! People, listen to me!we need scissors, everyone must have scissors.
I find it amazing that when I looked at these two shops last year in Trinity, they seemed innocent, the Hammer time was my favourate!
Politicians want you to do hanky panky with a hot mama or hot gaydaddy, because it gives them more boneheads to rule and more consumers for the industrial companies.
